“Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner.” – Amy Bloom
Marriages are supposed to represent a union of two souls and families. Religion, caste systems and other such social dogmas are barriers that have often crippled budding relationships in our country. Couples who have found love beyond their community circles usually tend to face resistance from friends and family. But don’t fret about it. Resisting change or something new is part of human nature. The best thing to do is to ease your family into accepting what you know in your heart is best for you. We’ll have a look at how you can attempt this. We know love doesn’t see cultural and lifestyle differences before finding it’s way into one’s heart, but there are some unforeseen hiccups that we’re going to make you aware of so you can have a smooth transition into your spouse’s family.
Learn to empathize
Every parent has a set of expectations attached with the person their child will marry. One of the biggest expectations is that their child’s choice belong to the community they are familiar with. So when you spring the fact as being something else, they are bound to be upset about it. In such a situation, it will only get worse if you throw a tantrum or use the reverse psychology of lashing out at your parents so they are forced to accept your decision. If you want them to accept your love wholeheartedly, learn to empathize with their point of view and understand the fact that time is the only healer.
What’s life without a challenge
Apart from the obvious challenges, such as resistance from family and variance in religious practices, some unanticipated obstacles could be a difference in language, lifestyle, food habits, medical beliefs, etc. However, don’t let this bog you down. The key to a successful intercaste relationship is for each couple to stay true to their roots and maintain their individuality. This will be appreciated in the long run. Try and blend in as much as you can, but you’ll have to make peace with the fact that some things are simply done differently in your spouse’s family.
The best way to blend in is to mingle with the extended family at get-togethers and functions. The first few times may prove awkward for all of you, but once you’ve overcome this phase and actually begun to enjoy the company you’re in, things will get much easier for you (and your spouse) at home. Your in-laws will appreciate the honest effort you’re making to become a member of the family and accept their traditions. All in all, it’s a win-win!
Intercaste marriages are beneficial in so many ways, and yet, in India they remain a social taboo of sorts. People need to be made more aware of the benefits of such unions so they are more open and accepting of them. Mixed unions are so much fun! They are an opportunity to get introduced to a whole new world of culture, rituals, traditions, ideologies and philosophies. They help aid the progress of the country by bringing two communities together and eradicating communalist ideologies.
So in the spirit of acceptance, this note goes out to all the moms and dads out there. Give your sons and daughters a say in the most important decision of their lives. In the words of William Shakespeare, “Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds.” Have confidence in your upbringing. Trust that your child will do what’s right for them and you. Keep the faith!