Guy Talk…

My story is not about love finding a happy ending, it is more about giving me the life I live today and me finding eternal love. It is about me and a very dear friend who showed me life is all about what you make it and nothing else, without even knowing how deeply I loved him and wanted to be with him.

self-love

 

I always grew up knowing I was different, for me, the background which I grew up in allowed me absolute freedom to be comfortable about who I was. Unfortunately, the country we live in does not allow us that freedom of expression, hence for a guy like me I went through hell either way, the only solace I had was home. Every time I pray to god, I feel blessed to have the parents I did, who supported me through the times I felt confused and told me I was not alone.

I used to live on the 4th Floor of the same building where he lived on the 2nd. While growing up, I went to an all boys school and he was with me through school, but I was confused about why I was never interested in the girls my friends used to want to ask out, why the boy conversations they had never interested me, why I always used to want to be with him, kid dish things like sitting on the same bench, I would get angry if he would not sit with me on the same bench. I was a dumb kid who did not understand why I used to feel that way, honestly and I was getting frustrated every day because I did not know what was wrong. There was this once where my parents thought they would ask me, and tried, but I somehow couldn’t even explain as to why I was frustrated . As time went by and we had internet, I started seeing why I was confused, I started finding many others who were like me, had been through what I had been through and I started realizing there was nothing wrong with me at all, I realized what I felt for him was LOVE.

Friendship

My dear friend although was not like I was, he was a macho jock type personality with a play boyish charm. I loved him since the time we spent growing up, watched him dating women, watched him marrying a fabulous person, all the while crying by myself, just hoping that although I cannot follow up on this and find out if this was even possible at least he is happy ( Yeah I know that sounds cliché, but it is true none the less ).

Reaching for Help

 

I started loving him more when I saw that ,as we started coming of age  and started  being more open and comfortable about who I was, the  same people I grew up  with started looking at me differently, many  unfortunately started to maintain a  distance from me, they would not  invite me for any plans or share any ‘guy’ things  about themselves with  me.

It was a time in my life where I wanted to be a recluse, shut myself off  from the  world and bury myself in my own misery, but HE was the only  reason I did not. This was the time which crafted my path for the rest of  my life.

He never treated me any different, he would first call me for any plans made,  I was his pillion rider for years on end with our little bike group that we had in our building , going on trips, drinking the same beer, sitting around the same camp fire, discussing his girlfriends, having the same fun. I was always the go to guy for him.

Although I never gave him an iota of an indication about how I felt for him, I felt selfless love from him. The innocent, selfless, comforting love that , for a person like me, was hard to come by.

Years passed, as our friendship went from strength to strength, so did my love for him. It was not infatuation, I genuinely fell in love with him.  I could not even think of being with another guy, however, I was and to this day remain a coward. I sit an wonder whether if I ever gave him an idea about how I felt, would I lose what I already have with him? I decided I would never talk to him about it.  Every day that he would meet a girl for marriage, he would call me to discuss how the meeting went, I would cry on the inside and laugh on the outside, but yet life was beautiful, I had my love close to me, the love who had absolutely no idea about how I felt, yet unknowingly gave me the most comforting feeling ever.

luv

Then one day, he found some one. She was a lawyer at a high profile firm in Mumbai. I was the first person she met, even before his parents. They got married, I was actually the best man at their wedding. With every passing day, I was finding it hard to watch them go about their daily lives, I will be honest, I felt like dying inside every time I saw them. They were the happiest couple I had seen. I decided it was time to move away.

I got into a Fashion Design institute in another city, again a cliché, but it was of a lot of interest for me always hehe. After completing my course, I spent some time travelling to different countries and working there, finally to settle in the United States. Today I am a successful Fashion Designer in San Francisco.

mystery-man

Years have passed, as I reminisce about the years gone by, I  think it was only because of the love I felt for him and the  love he showed me unknowingly , that I was able to get to  where I am today. I am in a relationship with an amazing  man today, and can be very open about it where I am today.

Its like the saying , “ You laugh at me because I am  different, I laugh at you because you are the same”.

Even though I never told him how I felt, I felt love which  defined how my life will be, and I thought it deserved a  mention . I hope wherever he is he is happy as we have lost  touch.

Darryl and Nirmala

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First time I met Nirmala Maria Pinto (I know what you’re thinking very unusual name for a catholic) was at grant road station during our HSC board exams. We were part of a common group of friends in college. There she was shouting “ Pee Party” at the top of her voice for some unknown reason and the obvious thought in my mind was “ that’s a weird way to get to know someone “,but as time passed by and I got to know her better I started to realize how similar we are and yet so different.

She on the other hand thought I was cute when we first met and so did another friend of hers, they had this contest running to find out, who from the both of them, would ask me for my number  (you’ve all at some point done that “dude get me an intro thing”). Nirmala at that point, as bold as she is as a person, simply just walked up to me an asked me for my number. I was taken aback, my cheeks were red and almost in a voice as manly as Whoopie Goldberg, I said, “9xxxxxxxx ”.

And so then on, even if ,we always used to hangout with a large group of friends, as soon as we went back home we used to chat all night via text or speak on the phone for hours.

Then I started realizing how much  I liked Nirmala, I cant stop talking to her or about her. I decided I will do something about this, I mean she had to know how I felt right? , so when we went for the DYC camp (The archdiocese of the Church, take kids from the Local parish to Khandala for a retreat ) with our friends and that’s when I decided I am going to pursue my feelings for her, I even convinced her to put in extra biryani in her plate so we could eat from the same plate, tried to make her jealous by flirting with other girls, which in my opinion worked, although she will never admit to it.

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As time went by we both grew very fond of each other. There wasn’t one day where we would not speak to each other , evidence being, that because of my inability to pay my own bills, my cell phone was confiscated by my dad TWICE because of the phone bills he got, however that did not stop me, the guy at the PCO still waves at me and calls out to me every time I pass by, even after all these years have passed.

You would be surprised to know however that even through all this, I still had not garnered the guts to ask her out, until cupid shot me with his arrow to give me courage, and on 1st of may I asked her out on a date ‘officially’.

From the first time I met her on 29th February 2008, to all the craziness  in between, to me asking her out on 1st of may 2008, until now its been an amazing 6 years 7 months , and I had not even counted how long it has been until the time I sat down to write it, Nirmala, we will see through this life together.